March 10, 2008 I just can't seem to pick myself up after the fall. I can't remember the me I was before. I can't remember the last time I had a hearty cheer. I don't know why I allowed myself to let my guard down. I don't know how many times I've cried.
I don't know why I've always been deceiving myself that everything would turn out fine.
I seem to be going round and round, over and over again.
It's all but a vicious circle I really wish I was numbed that I am able to forget
and yet, I am afraid. I am afraid to forget the good times, I am afraid to let go, I am afraid to move on, I am afraid to be forgotten, I am afraid to forget, I am afraid to grow up, I am afraid to face reality, I am afraid to let it repeat, I am afraid of the past, I am afraid of the future.
I am afraid to step out of the comfort zone I've been in. No, not any longer. Things changed. The comfort zone that I've once been in no longer feels comfortable being in. But yet, I am still afraid to step out. I fear that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the pasture. I fear that there be more cruel reality outside.